Purpose in My Pain
By Neicee Jordan
The moment you feel that all you have been through and all that you have endured- that was meant to destroy you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. What will come to pass? Is it easier said than done? Absolutely! It takes hard work. It takes endurance. It takes faith. It takes the ability to love yourself, and it also takes forgiveness- forgiving those who have harmed you. That forgiveness is for you, to help you move forward to become a better you. This is what I had to realize in order for me to be happy with myself, and to be better for my family and those I love. My pain was their pain and it was not fair to them. I had been molested, physically abused, I attempted suicide multiple times, and so much more. This was from being silent and harboring my feelings. Then one day, a light bulb clicked.
In 2014, I realized after thirty-three years that it was time to make a change- a change that could only make me a better person, a better mother, wife, grandmother and friend.
I left my hometown of Lorain in Northeastern Ohio, transitioning to Greensboro, North Carolina. This was the best move I could ever make. This is when the things in my life begin to change tremendously.
In 2017, I wrote my first book called Behind Closed Doors. It is a story of how I overcame my adversity and lived to tell my story. I went on to create the Behind Closed Doors Journal. When I created the journal, I did it with all men and women in mind, and all who have been in damaging and hurtful situations- situations that have been hard to verbally discuss. This journal is not an ordinary journal. This has helped so many people that didn’t have a voice and wanted a change in their life.
As women, we often hold back our feelings and tears. We think that we have to remain strong and not express how we feel because women do not want to be judged. We do not want to seem weak and defeated, but we all have a breaking point. Who do we trust to tell how we feel? My journal is filled with affirmations, scriptures, and questions for you to answer, and a promissory note for you. The promissory note will allow you to make a promise to yourself to be open and vulnerable with someone you trust whole-heartedly.
You are allowing yourself thirty-one opportunities to write down and share your feelings. Once you have put everything on paper, there is a string on the promissory note to add the person’s name that you want to address the journal to. Allow them to read it alone. This will allow you time to mentally prepare yourself for a conversation with this person. This is a gateway to your healing process. Communication is key. You will then retrieve your journal and move forward in seeking help if you so choose.
Following that journal, I created a children’s book called Behind Closed Doors: The Good Touch and The Bad Touch. Our children are targets for predators. This could mean teachers, family members, friends, pastors, coaches, etc. What better way to teach them to be open with those they trust? They will learn how to differentiate between the way a good and bad touch should feel. I wrote this book with my grandchildren in mind and other helpless children, who are being violated and parents who do not know how to explain it to their children. It’s an easy read with pictures that coincide with the words ‘moving forward.’
In February 2023, I began acting and embarking on new endeavors with Delinda Kay productions. I landed a role in a movie called, “Sheltered”. I’m currently preparing for my second movie called, “Forever Loved”. You can find my credit on IMDb. I wanted to take all of the negative energy and turn it into a positive. Without letting go and ‘letting God,’ I would not be able to be who he has created me to be. God created women to be his strongest soldiers and we are. Sometimes it takes coming out of a situation with a deep gash, or even minor scrapes and bruises, to realize that no matter how many times you knock us down we will get back up. We will come back even stronger and better than ever. We are resilient, we are strong, we are confident, we are brave, and we are intelligent. What we cannot be any more is without a voice. We have to speak up and speak out. Never let people or situations silence you, or dictate who or what you should be.
If you have ever been hurt, and have gone through anything that has held you back, that’s fine. Remember that you have the power to change it all. I know firsthand, my words to you hold true, and I look forward to seeing other women grow, succeed, and accomplish what they set out to do. Be your biggest supporter and number-one fan, because no one will cheer for you harder than you will. I believe in you. Remember, there is a purpose in your pain, but it is up to you to find out what the purpose is. As long as you have breath in your body and you are reading this article, you still have time. You are beautiful and you are worth it.
To learn more about Neicee Jordan, email her at iamneiceej@gmail.com. Her books can be found at amazon.com .You can also check out her “Unfiltered Story” on YouTube: https://youtu.be/3EYC9HzYrPU