Priscilla Golas Finds Balance as Her Husband’s Caregiver

In Loving Memory of Bob

By Meg Hale Brunton

Retired owner of her own insurance company, Priscilla Golas has been caring for her husband Bob for the past few years and around the clock for the past year. Originally from Marion, North Carolina, Priscilla met Bob in November of 2010. She was a widow and mother of two, Bob was a 20-year plus army veteran who had received many medals, including a Purple Heart and Bronze Star. After his retirement from the Army, he had another career as a VP in Software sales. They had a long-distance relationship for three years and were married in 2013. Priscilla moved with her new husband to his home in Virginia. 

In 2012, Bob was  diagnosed with a condition called normal pressure hydrocephalus, a disease in which fluid develops in the brain and causes balance issues, among other things. He was still able to take care of business and the disease didn’t slow him down much, but the couple knew time was limited. “We just enjoyed each other’s company and did the things we wanted to do,” she shares. “We traveled a little and had a good, active life.”

In 2020, Bob started having difficulty going up the stairs to their bedroom. The couple took this as a sign that it was time to move South to be closer to Priscilla’s family. They settled in Easley, South Carolina in June of 2020. The balance issues worsened and Bob’s doctor advised him to start walking with a cane. The cane progressed to a walker, the walker to a wheelchair, and by 2023 Bob could no longer stand on his own and was bedridden. 

“Bob is a very proud man. When he started becoming debilitated, it was very hard on him,” Priscilla says of her husband. Bob’s disability level from the Army was 40% when he met his wife. Over the years, it grew to 60%, then 80%, and he is now considered 100% disabled. Priscilla explains that this level of disability has made them eligible for a phenomenal level of support from the Veterans Administration.  

“The resources are incredible. I could not have done everything I’ve done for Bob without that help.” Priscilla says of the assistance they have received from the VA.  “I think sometimes people don’t realize there are a lot of resources out there, and places are underutilized because people just don’t know what to do or where to go. You just need to be bold and seek out the help that you need.” Through the VA, Bob has a complete home healthcare team, including a doctor, nurse, physician’s assistant, social worker and other support personnel. Each member of the team visits Bob and Priscilla at their house, and all supplies and medications are shipped directly to their home.  

Priscilla explains that her relationship with her husband has had to evolve somewhat, as he has become more debilitated. “I’m very independent; he’s very independent. We haven’t had to ask for help much. We just adjusted over time,” she says. Priscilla adds that she had to learn to use a Hoyer Lift to lift her husband out of bed, but that he is not crazy about it because it hurts his back. “He loves to laugh and joke and if he gets grumpy, I have to remind him that I am not his grunt,” she says, adding that Bob was a Lieutenant Colonel. She goes on to say that Bob’s mind is still sharp, even though his short term memory isn’t. The two continue to enjoy long conversations, watch Jeopardy, and play rummy.  

Because sitting up is so painful for Bob, he is on very strong pain medication which Priscilla says slows him down and makes him sleep a lot. Still, she says that he is a constant flirt, complimenting her and giving her the periodic pop on the tush. “He’s really cute. We still kiss, and hug, and snuggle,” she says of their relationship. “I hop up into the hospital bed and we watch old movies together.”

Priscilla also maintains time for herself. She gets up around 4:30 each morning and reads, does her devotional, and sometimes watches old television show reruns. Then, Bob is awake around 7am. She brings him his breakfast and has coffee with him while he eats. They have an aid, supplied by the VA, that comes in for a few hours in the morning to help out so that Priscilla can run errands and take care of personal appointments.

Priscilla admits that what she and Bob have been through in the past few years has been hard on them both. She says they have been able to get through it with love and support from family and friends, and their deep abiding faith. “Life happens and you accept it, or you don’t. We accepted it, and with our faith, we are able to go from day to day,” she explains. “That’s the only way I think anyone can stay sane and grounded in a situation that you didn’t expect to find yourself in.”

Sadly, after this interview was given, Bob passed away on September 4, 2023. “Death, too, is a part of the caregiver’s role and the final act of caring for your loved one,” Priscilla explains, adding that Bob will be dearly missed. “He was my hero.”