Stop Biting Your Tongue
Photo Credit: Tina FireWolf
By Tina FireWolf
I was thinking about our desire as humans to connect when this tiny heart shaped piece of pancake fell out of my mouth. I am not kidding. My life is kinda magic like that. I took it as an invitation for contemplation. Was love leading me when I spoke?
When I was teaching middle school science, I was faced with far too many situations that caused me to need a higher level of emotional intelligence than I was capable of exhibiting. It took me a lot of self-study and a while to catch on, but I needed to learn to pause before speaking. I needed to consider myself first — this way anger and resentment wouldn’t build up inside.
One day when my Vice Principal came, yet again, to ask me to cover a class during my lab prep period my throat constricted and I paused… Lucky for me I was anticipating his annual morning visit and had looked at the schedule to see what other teachers shared the same prep period. This time I was prepared with a constructive solution so I could say — NO.
I took the deepest, most unnoticeable breath I could manage and said, “No, but I would be happy to split the duty with Ms. Buttercup so that I can get my lab set up. Can that work?” (yes, that name is made up to protect the guilty). There began my journey in speaking with compassionate strength. “No!” he said, stepping back a bit out of the doorway, smiling at me as if to say, “Way to go kid, you figured it out!” and he said, “Ah, sure I will go ask her.” From that moment on I was no longer the new teacher doormat as word spread fast that I was going to speak my truth.
Most of us go to work biting our tongues. It isn’t working very well, is it? The whole world seems irritable, like they’ve had something to say for eons and just noticed! We must each learn to watch what comes out of our mouths — but that doesn’t mean biting our tongues! It means learning to speak with compassionate strength.
PHRASES I KEEP IN MIND FOR A VARIETY OF SITUATIONS:
While situations and your comfort with each of these phrases above may vary you can get an idea of where to begin. These phrases helped me do just that, and I hope they help you too!
My Dad asked me one day what Enlightenment was, and I said, “I think it is when we can respond to life rather than reacting to it — it is that pause…” He smiled at me. I told him I was working on lengthening that pause.
The next time someone is upset with you for not answering their text with immediacy you can say, “Thank you for understanding when I am at home, I don’t check my phone regularly…”
The way I remember compassionate strength is that I acknowledge the other person first — then I share my thoughts… It takes practice! It was like a total rewiring for me. And yes, you will catch a lot of people off guard because we are taught to be passive aggressive not compassionately strong! Be ready for that too. Hold steady and smile as they soften into the moment with you - it’s new for many of us to watch what is coming out of our mouths.
Tina FireWolf is a Master of Voice as Medicine. A former TEDx presenter, Science Educator and Author who accidentally turned into an otherworldly intuitive vocalist. After years of hiding out in waterfalls to drown out her own voice she now combines her vocalizations, energetics and compassion key processes to support highly driven professionals in speaking and living with ease so they can become the person they crave. Her contemplative photography book Beneath the Chatter – the wise self awaits and her CD Medicine Within – vocalizations to free your soul can be experienced at tinafirewolfinc.com.
She is available for Keynotes, Interactive Presentations, Events, Private Sessions and Transformational Nature Immersions.
