Our Stories Shape Our Life Strategies

By Sandra Grace

How is it that children are born without language and without narrative skills, and within 24-30 months most have learned the rudiments of storytelling?

There are multiple definitions of the word Story. The following definition best describes my application of the meaning. It is an accounting of an event either internally in thought, or spoken, or written, set in a time and place, about events that happened or might happen to someone. The sequence of events must be meaningful; in other words, there must be a theme that emerges through a chronological account, that includes a joyful or pleasant experience, a problem or a stressor, and a decision made that creates the resolution of that sequence of events.

Stories not only design and define things. Stories narrate our inner life, they create identity and share that inner life and identity with others. They create action and experiences in our lives. When we believe that a story is true, we give it meaning. When we believe our story has meaning, it becomes part of our logic for creating reasons to make decisions.

We begin to develop stories at an early age. Many of these stories begin to shape what we believe. When I was four, I had a closet door that squeaked when it was open. The house we lived in was old and drafty. If it was windy outside the wind would blow through the top of the house and if my closet door wasn’t completely closed the wind would blow it open and it would squeak. My sister told me monsters lived in my closet. I am an adult and I know better, yet to this day I still feel like it is a possibility that monsters live in my closet. Every night I make sure my closet door is closed completely.

Story exists in everyone and everywhere around us. Events that have happened to us in our early developmental years and in our everyday lives today have an impact on what we think, what we believe, and what decisions we make. Every day we are adding to or changing our life strategies based on the stories we believe.

Why do I have a fear of speaking? I’m not good enough. I want my business to make more money; I just don’t know how to get there. Why don’t I have the love I want? Why aren’t I making more money? Why are other people charging more than I am for my work in the same industry? Why am I afraid to date again after my divorce? Why can’t I ask for what I really want in my life?

I have worked with over a thousand clients in my coaching and consulting practice in the past twenty-seven years. It doesn’t matter if it is in our daily life or in our career or our businesses. We all use our stories to inform the strategies that decide the outcomes of our successes and failures.

I would like to share with you one of my daily practices for discovering how a story is creating my life strategy. When I first get up in the morning and I am having my first cup of coffee, I review my calendar for the day. This is when I journal. (You can do it any time of the day.) I ask myself the question that is most on my mind. Today, it’s “why am I feeling unsure?” The story I’m playing in my mind is this: in the past I wrote a chapter for a book titled Success University for Women. When I received my copies of the book, I felt other chapters that were in this book were so much better than mine. The life strategy I adopted that day was I was going to make sure that I was confident in anything I was going to write in the future. I do all the research I can on my subject. I always employ an editor for content and spelling correction. “When you know better, do better.” This quote by Maya Angelou has become one of my favorite quotes and an important piece of my writing strategy.

Are you ready to start looking for stories in your life that have allowed you to create Life Strategies that are holding you back and no longer serving you?

Sandra Grace is a Life Strategist and Story Coach. Please visit her website for information about upcoming events where she will be speaking, programs she offers, and how to work with her at www.sandragrace.com